Change of Plans

My sister was in town this weekend and wanted to take some pictures of Karsten while she was here. We quickly found out just how difficult it is to take pictures while in the NICU. Karsten is covered from head to toe with tubes, probes and small cords going in every direction. It reminded me that things really don't always go the way you plan...

Before Ryan and I even started trying for a child I already knew the type of birth I wanted. I knew I wanted to go natural, I wanted a midwife and Ryan would be my Daddy Doula. It was a perfect plan. When we found out we were pregnant we went straight to work. We found a wonderful midwife, registered for hypnobirthing classes, read countless books, watched endless amounts of documentaries, added to our registry, edited our registry many times, wrote and planned out our birthing plan. We were ready. 

I immediately started a Pinterest board titled "Baby Conradi" and began pinning anything and everything that I thought I needed to know as a soon-to-be Mommy. I downloaded all the pregnancy apps that I could find so I would know the latest and greatest. I researched which wipes to use, what diapers were more Eco friendly, what pack n' play was highest rated, what baby bathtub to use and even what diaper rash cream was more sensitive for baby skin. I wanted to read everything and I mean everything because I wanted to make sure I knew all that I needed to know. 

 I made lists of what pictures I wanted to capture. I had the classic pictures, the first bath picture, and the getting ready to go home picture. Honestly, everything was planned and organized nicely in our family binder. We were ready. 

Now that Karsten is here and having come the way that he did, I've had to come to the realization of some things. I won't be having that perfect, natural and intimate labor that I had dreamed of. I didn't get to take my baby home after two days in the hospital. I don't get to lose sleep at night during the first three months due to a sweet crying baby. I don't get to experience the third trimester of pregnancy. And I won't get those tubeless newborn pictures that I had planned on. 

 I've had to push aside all of the plans I had. All the lists I carefully wrote and all of the dreams and hopes I had for those first few months have changed. My priorities have changed dramatically. I no longer sit and pin the best of the best diaper rash creams or the cutest little boy outfits. Instead I pin inspirational letters to moms who have babies in the NICU and words of advice for how to deal with the pain of saying goodbye each night. I don't pin things for pleasure anymore, I pin them to get by each day. 

I know I won't ever get these next three months back and although I would rather them be spent with us at home, I will enjoy every second I spend with him in his NICU nursery. I know that this will all pass in time and that we will get those tubeless pictures one day. Things won't always go the way we plan, but instead of focusing on the crushed plans, we choose to focus on the positive outcomes. We love our sweet Karsten and we thank our Heavenly Father every day that he blessed us with him. 

We are blessed and we are oh, so lucky.